Make Her Go Away

C'mon, do you mean to tell me a  woman whore who poses nude was offended by pics of Brett Favre's dingaling? Who saves texts for 3 years? I don't save mine for more than 2 days! And, if she was so allegedly offended, why wait 3 fucking years to complain about it?  This is clearly another case of a woman scorned by a famous dude and now she wants her 15 minutes of fame. I saw the pics. I don't know and don't care whose dick it is, this story is so ridiculous. Now he could be suspended by the NFL? THREE years later?? If she complained the day it happened, even if she enjoyed the pics, which we know she did, she might have a case of sexual harassment, but not after 3 years of keeping mum.  What is her reason to hang on to them for 3 years? Why is the NFL even humoring this bitch? Give me a break! There has to be a statute of limitations on fuck buddies gone bad.

Incoming Traffic Does NOT Stop

Any other month of the year, I love that I live 2 minutes from my mall.  Don't get me wrong, love the Holidays, love to get out in the snow and shop in the hustle and bustle.  I do not, however, love dumbasses who cannot fucking drive. If you don't have a mall in your town, do your Christmas shopping at your local Walmart or Mom & Pop.

Incoming traffic does NOT stop!!! OMG If you have NO stop sign and two large signs on either side of your car when entering the mall parking lot that clearly state "incoming traffic does not stop", then do not fucking stop!! You jack up the whole operation and I don't have the time or patience for your bullshit! While I carry full coverage and would love nothing more than a new car for Christmas, I just don't have the time today. Stay out of Eastgate if you cannot drive!!!!!! 

Merry Christmas!! 

Sims 2 - The Twelve Pains of Christmas

CHRISTMAS FROM SHUTTERFLY 2010

Scarlet Stars Christmas

Get custom photo Christmas cards online at Shutterfly.com.

View the entire collection of cards.

Just say NObama

After just reading the story on Michelle Obama's recent $500k vacation to Spain and her plans for exotic trips with girlfriends after the New Year AND her plans to redecorate the White House AND their Chicago home, you can imagine the steam rolling out of my ears and the flames shooting out of my eyeballs right now.  The New Year plans and redecorating are expected to topple $2million...

As a 99er and Democratic and now FORMER Obama supporter, I was so infuriated that I ran to Twitter and told the big guy that thanks to his wife, he can kiss my ass. He will never get another ounce of support out of me. As much as I cannot stand the Republicans, I am not switching teams. I am simply throwing in the towel and washing my hands on the lot of 'em.

I am a firm believer in not discussing religion and politics but dammit, what a load of shit!! Fuck you, Barack, get your wife under control (something else you have NEVER heard me say to a man).  I can't find a job, you can't balls up and force another extension through. I will be homeless soon and your wife will be galavanting around in a tropical paradise... One more FUCK YOU before I go.

I am currently awaiting the helicopters to start swarming my house.  Better go put the good lipstick on.

My Alleged Soft Porn Video

Got Stickam?
I don't.  My 14 year old does.  I found out as I came up behind her in my bra shirt half on half off in a hurry, asking her a question.  Her friend swears she didn't see me.  Trust me I am not hard to miss. I am glad she was talking to a girlfriend rather than a boyfriend. Imagine that. On second thought, please don't. *shudders*

Sleeping with the fishes

So,  hubby and I made our annual trek to the movies today. I say annual, because 1.  I hate spending that kind of money for a movie and 2. Nothing ever looks that great to pay for that I can watch online or rent from Redbox for $1 in a couple of months.

That being said...my 2010 movie of choice was Piranha 3D.  I knew a month ago when I saw the first preview, this was the one for me.

I bitched when I found out that the 3D movies have a surcharge of $2.50, but it is worth every penny! LOVED IT.

Jerry O'Connell was a brilliant choice to play the parodied role of Joe Francis. The 3D penis scene is hilarious.. so are Jerry's interview remarks "the water was very, very cold" 

I LOVE cheeseball horror flicks.. the more blood and gore the better!! This definitely fits the bill. I think they succeeded in breaking the record for most boobs and blood in a 3D flick.  I could have done without the lesbian underwater ballerinas and all the topless sluts but I guess it wouldn't have been the same without them as the whole Jerry O'Connell storyline was based on him filming his Wild Wild Girls on springbreak at Lake Victoria. Of course the sluts are all dead by the end so all's well that ends well! 

Run to your nearest theater! If you like horror, this is a must see!!!!

Bye Bye Bunny Foo Foo

Kids and Pets... not a great combo. My mother ALWAYS stressed "As long as you have kids or pets, you will never have anything nice" How right was she???? She should know, she had 3 of us kids and we were NEVER petless.

So last September, I broke down from my wonderful world of petlessness and let the kids get a bunny. A dwarf bunny. Spent an assload of money at the petstore on said bunny, food, toys, cage, water bottle, food bowl & bedding. I was the best mom ever, they loved this bunny, were going to take it out to play everyday, feed it, change the cage and if you are a parent, you know all those false promises. In the past year bunny has ONLY been fed, changed and watered by me. Nobody has an interest in letting her out to play. I have had enough.

I put the bunny on Craigslist the other day and today I finally found a suckertaker. Had my 14 year old NOT been home today (she is never ever ever home), I swear to you it would have taken her 3 weeks to even notice it was gone, and that would probably be because another kid told her. But she was here, not feeding, cleaning the cage or playing with the bunny, mind you. When I told her I was giving the bunny away, she got all attitude-y with me. Shot me down with looks that could kill. But did she offer to take over the duties? NO..I just suck for giving it away. I am tired of the phony crocodile tears.. been there done that.. I had no intention of changing my bunny cage or cat litter boxes when I was a kid either. But I damn sure put up a good front with tears and all. When she wants to quit cheer, gymnastics, sleepovers, shopping and vacationing with friends THEN we will talk bunnies. Until then, Kasey's diapers are the only shit I plan to clean up and those days are numbered. OVER IT...
Now.. about those puppies...

Stick a Fork in Me CUZ I am DONE

Dear Child who is blowing up my cell phone right now,

I hear you and I know what you want. I bet you are extremely irritated that you cannot reach me and I am not returning your calls. Maybe even feeling a little panicked that I am not jumping at the chance to do yet another favor for you. That I am sitting here eating my lunch and sipping an ice cold coke. What was that? Oh, you are texting me now? Well sorry about your luck. Welcome to MY world, where every time I call or text YOU, I am conveniently ignored until YOU decide you want to call and check in on the phone that I pay for so that I can keep tabs on you. I bet you are really getting pissed now because YOU have cheer practice today and YOU need to come home and shower. Not to mention your poms and everything else you need is here at home. YOU need a ride, probably like NOW right? Well too bad you didn't answer MY calls at 10am when it was convenient for ME to pick you up. It is no longer convenient for me since I have a house full of screaming kids. Oh and I also have an appointment at 2:15 that I am neither changing or missing to bow down to your demands. I am the parent, I am the boss. I have the last word. If you were so clever to figure out that not answering your phone bought you 3 more hours at Lexy's house, you should be clever enough to figure out how to get home.

Love,
Mom

Father forgive them...

Landmark - Singles Church Looking for Connections? Try the Landmark Singles Church!
January 13 at 1:57pm


What the hell is this? Well, first off it is a Facebook fan page for a local meat market.. err church. I am sure if you asked the founders they would say, "oh it's a great way to bring more people to church". Um... bullshit! If you are a good Christian who is dedicated to serving the Lord, that alone is your reason to go to church. NOT to get laid. And by their advertisements, getting laid is pretty much guaranteed. I think they have stepped outside the biblical box with this one.
The only reason I know about this place is because a 'friend' joined or 'liked' the page. This particular friend is Pentecostal. She gets a hall pass on days she wants to slut it up and hit the bars or get laid by random guys. The rest of us are going to hell everyday according to her prophecy. She is Pentecostal~~That gives her a Legacy to the Golden Gates. And now she has found a church to support her whoring around that is a sin in anyone else's church or religion.
Welcome to the Den of Iniquity, leave your soul (and morals) at the door.

You Gotta Keep 'em Separated

Today's rant comes to you courtesy of Celebrities, Athletes and friends/business owners who need some Social Networking 101 lessons.  

 

Seems everyone these days wants to link everything together for you.  Enter your status update once and it goes to Twitter, Facebook, Flickr and the like.  NO NO a thousand times NO!!! 

 

Each of my personalities needs it own Social Networking site to play on.  

 

Facebook- for friends and family. My kids are my friends and this is a 'nice' place to catch up with old friends and classmates and keep in contact with family members who live in other states and countries. I keep my facebook PG rated and really only use it for updates on my family and to post family pics. 

 

Twitter- this is where I go to play.... where there are no holds barred and no PG ratings. I am the OG of NSFW on Twitter.  

 

Spiffbox- a new site, with a good idea but it doesn't seem to be catching on like originally planned. I stick it out so my daily status update is strictly to get my 10 points 'just in case' it takes off one day like Mr Spiff himself is banking on.

 

Foursquare- I 'friend' my Twitter followers but do not link this to my Facebook. Why do I trust complete strangers from Twitter to know my whereabouts and not my own damn family and lifelong friends from Facebook?  Don't know, that personality is taking a nap right now. I will let you know when she wakes up.

 

My Blog - Well, basically my blog is just a personal journal, diary whatever the cool kids are calling it these days. Like the name says Raves and Rants.  I don't know if anyone reads it, but if so, I hope you like it. 

 

My newest playground is Empire Avenue.  Don't know if I would love it so much if I didn't have to weasel a private invite to join.  I think the novelty may wear off, but it's a great place for now.  I do have this linked to show my Twitter feed but only because it raises my stock and the only people I "know" on there are from Twitter. 

 

With all that being said for myself.... here's a Social Networking tip for the aforementioned friends and business owners.  

 

KEEP 'EM SEPARATED...

 

If you have a Facebook and Twitter. I do not want to read your same posts on both places. Have a little personality, surely you are not that one dimensional.  Don't be lazy.

 

If you are running a business and have a personal page on your Social sites.. keep those separate too. (Stacy P).  I 'fanned' your new business page like you asked but all I get are the same damn posts back to back on my Facebook wall from you because you post the same thing to both.  KEEP 'EM SEPARATED!  Stacy should update us on what is going on with her family under her account and update us on what is going on in the local music scene on her business account. I don't need all that coming up twice every time she types one post.  

 

Also, if you don't have a separate business and personal account, you should. Absolutely you should.  Do you want Client X who 'friended' you on Facebook or follows you on Twitter to see the drunken pics from last weekend or your wife in her bikini on the beach? Didn't think so.  Make an account for the business and make an account for YOU but see my advice to Stacy above and everybody shout "KEEP 'EM SEPARATED"

 

Age DOES a Difference Make

If I haven't mentioned before, I would highly recommend procreating every six years.  You would think, as I did, (ha! thinking is for fools) that having 4 children, all spaced 6 years apart would make things easier because they would already be established with their own interests and friends their own age by the time the next one comes along. Or... like most people, you think I am nuts for starting over again every time I get one in Kindergarten. I didn't plan a space of six years in between. I truly think every time I had one starting school, the snooze on my biological clock went off and my reproductive system woke up and went in to overdrive.

 

Let me tell you, no matter how far apart they are, they bicker and fight and boss and shove just as much as a pair of "irish twins" would. It doesn't matter that they all have their own interests and friends, they will find a common denominator to kill each other and drive Mom to drink! 

But today, I singly and equally fell in love all over again with each of my fab four all within a 20 minute time span.  

 

First, Corey (8) brings his guitar on the back porch and starts strumming away, stopping to ask Jensen (14) if she has any extra "toothpicks" he can use to play with.  Well, before I got over my fits of laughter with this, Jensen falls over her own two feet coming back up on the porch and fell into a crumpled ball and we ALL have a good laugh. 

 

Then Kasey (2) picks up the guitar and starts strumming a tune and belting out an impromptu tune, "corey you are my baby, corey you are 'guitarded'" Lord, I thought I couldn't take any more laughter when just then, Jamey (NEWLY 21) comes home to tell me about the time of his life he had at the Cyclones game last night. The seats were right behind the glass, there were lots of fights and hot chicks and oh, it was dollar beer night. (you saw where I mentioned he is NEWLY 21) so he more than enjoyed buying himself some dollar beers at the game. Many, many dollar beers and how he was drunk and texting as he walked into the bathroom and glanced up and thought DAMN there are a lot of stalls in here. Then he looked back up and wondered 'where the hell are the urinals' just in time to see a group of 'hot chicks' putting on their makeup as he said 'oh shit' and found his way back out of the LADIES ROOM!

 

Maybe life would be easier in my 40s if I had all 4 of them closer together and now they were ALL grown and independent and I wasn't still diapering and chasing a toddler. But I would have missed the best 20 minutes of my life and I would not trade that for anything!!

 

I love you dorks!!!

Just Say NO to Nickelodeon

Long time no blog... I am so wrapped up tweeting what I think when I think it these days that I only think in 140 character increments anymore! 

But this morning, it would take at least a dozen or more tweets to spill it so here I am.

One of my potty training strategies for my ever so stubborn 2 year old is to always point out how her besties Dora, Diego and Kai Lan are all potty trained big kids and on the rare occasion we do use our princess potty, it is a big ordeal for Kasey to hand me the phone to "call" Dora, Diego and Kai Lan to let them know she is a big kid, too and went potty just like them. 

So, imagine my dismay at Nick Jr. this morning when they advertise that it is SUPER BABIES week and the promo has Dora & Diego in diapers and capes flying through the air and the FIRST thing Kasey does is turn to me and say "look, they DO wear diapers" ! Thank you Nick Jr for sending us back to ground zero on potty training. She is never going to stop rubbing this one in my face when it is "potty time".  Now I must go find a missing toddler who I am sure is hiding in a corner shitting her diaper because that's how the Super Babies roll!