Stick a Fork in Me CUZ I am DONE

Dear Child who is blowing up my cell phone right now,

I hear you and I know what you want. I bet you are extremely irritated that you cannot reach me and I am not returning your calls. Maybe even feeling a little panicked that I am not jumping at the chance to do yet another favor for you. That I am sitting here eating my lunch and sipping an ice cold coke. What was that? Oh, you are texting me now? Well sorry about your luck. Welcome to MY world, where every time I call or text YOU, I am conveniently ignored until YOU decide you want to call and check in on the phone that I pay for so that I can keep tabs on you. I bet you are really getting pissed now because YOU have cheer practice today and YOU need to come home and shower. Not to mention your poms and everything else you need is here at home. YOU need a ride, probably like NOW right? Well too bad you didn't answer MY calls at 10am when it was convenient for ME to pick you up. It is no longer convenient for me since I have a house full of screaming kids. Oh and I also have an appointment at 2:15 that I am neither changing or missing to bow down to your demands. I am the parent, I am the boss. I have the last word. If you were so clever to figure out that not answering your phone bought you 3 more hours at Lexy's house, you should be clever enough to figure out how to get home.

Love,
Mom

Father forgive them...

Landmark - Singles Church Looking for Connections? Try the Landmark Singles Church!
January 13 at 1:57pm


What the hell is this? Well, first off it is a Facebook fan page for a local meat market.. err church. I am sure if you asked the founders they would say, "oh it's a great way to bring more people to church". Um... bullshit! If you are a good Christian who is dedicated to serving the Lord, that alone is your reason to go to church. NOT to get laid. And by their advertisements, getting laid is pretty much guaranteed. I think they have stepped outside the biblical box with this one.
The only reason I know about this place is because a 'friend' joined or 'liked' the page. This particular friend is Pentecostal. She gets a hall pass on days she wants to slut it up and hit the bars or get laid by random guys. The rest of us are going to hell everyday according to her prophecy. She is Pentecostal~~That gives her a Legacy to the Golden Gates. And now she has found a church to support her whoring around that is a sin in anyone else's church or religion.
Welcome to the Den of Iniquity, leave your soul (and morals) at the door.

You Gotta Keep 'em Separated

Today's rant comes to you courtesy of Celebrities, Athletes and friends/business owners who need some Social Networking 101 lessons.  

 

Seems everyone these days wants to link everything together for you.  Enter your status update once and it goes to Twitter, Facebook, Flickr and the like.  NO NO a thousand times NO!!! 

 

Each of my personalities needs it own Social Networking site to play on.  

 

Facebook- for friends and family. My kids are my friends and this is a 'nice' place to catch up with old friends and classmates and keep in contact with family members who live in other states and countries. I keep my facebook PG rated and really only use it for updates on my family and to post family pics. 

 

Twitter- this is where I go to play.... where there are no holds barred and no PG ratings. I am the OG of NSFW on Twitter.  

 

Spiffbox- a new site, with a good idea but it doesn't seem to be catching on like originally planned. I stick it out so my daily status update is strictly to get my 10 points 'just in case' it takes off one day like Mr Spiff himself is banking on.

 

Foursquare- I 'friend' my Twitter followers but do not link this to my Facebook. Why do I trust complete strangers from Twitter to know my whereabouts and not my own damn family and lifelong friends from Facebook?  Don't know, that personality is taking a nap right now. I will let you know when she wakes up.

 

My Blog - Well, basically my blog is just a personal journal, diary whatever the cool kids are calling it these days. Like the name says Raves and Rants.  I don't know if anyone reads it, but if so, I hope you like it. 

 

My newest playground is Empire Avenue.  Don't know if I would love it so much if I didn't have to weasel a private invite to join.  I think the novelty may wear off, but it's a great place for now.  I do have this linked to show my Twitter feed but only because it raises my stock and the only people I "know" on there are from Twitter. 

 

With all that being said for myself.... here's a Social Networking tip for the aforementioned friends and business owners.  

 

KEEP 'EM SEPARATED...

 

If you have a Facebook and Twitter. I do not want to read your same posts on both places. Have a little personality, surely you are not that one dimensional.  Don't be lazy.

 

If you are running a business and have a personal page on your Social sites.. keep those separate too. (Stacy P).  I 'fanned' your new business page like you asked but all I get are the same damn posts back to back on my Facebook wall from you because you post the same thing to both.  KEEP 'EM SEPARATED!  Stacy should update us on what is going on with her family under her account and update us on what is going on in the local music scene on her business account. I don't need all that coming up twice every time she types one post.  

 

Also, if you don't have a separate business and personal account, you should. Absolutely you should.  Do you want Client X who 'friended' you on Facebook or follows you on Twitter to see the drunken pics from last weekend or your wife in her bikini on the beach? Didn't think so.  Make an account for the business and make an account for YOU but see my advice to Stacy above and everybody shout "KEEP 'EM SEPARATED"

 

Age DOES a Difference Make

If I haven't mentioned before, I would highly recommend procreating every six years.  You would think, as I did, (ha! thinking is for fools) that having 4 children, all spaced 6 years apart would make things easier because they would already be established with their own interests and friends their own age by the time the next one comes along. Or... like most people, you think I am nuts for starting over again every time I get one in Kindergarten. I didn't plan a space of six years in between. I truly think every time I had one starting school, the snooze on my biological clock went off and my reproductive system woke up and went in to overdrive.

 

Let me tell you, no matter how far apart they are, they bicker and fight and boss and shove just as much as a pair of "irish twins" would. It doesn't matter that they all have their own interests and friends, they will find a common denominator to kill each other and drive Mom to drink! 

But today, I singly and equally fell in love all over again with each of my fab four all within a 20 minute time span.  

 

First, Corey (8) brings his guitar on the back porch and starts strumming away, stopping to ask Jensen (14) if she has any extra "toothpicks" he can use to play with.  Well, before I got over my fits of laughter with this, Jensen falls over her own two feet coming back up on the porch and fell into a crumpled ball and we ALL have a good laugh. 

 

Then Kasey (2) picks up the guitar and starts strumming a tune and belting out an impromptu tune, "corey you are my baby, corey you are 'guitarded'" Lord, I thought I couldn't take any more laughter when just then, Jamey (NEWLY 21) comes home to tell me about the time of his life he had at the Cyclones game last night. The seats were right behind the glass, there were lots of fights and hot chicks and oh, it was dollar beer night. (you saw where I mentioned he is NEWLY 21) so he more than enjoyed buying himself some dollar beers at the game. Many, many dollar beers and how he was drunk and texting as he walked into the bathroom and glanced up and thought DAMN there are a lot of stalls in here. Then he looked back up and wondered 'where the hell are the urinals' just in time to see a group of 'hot chicks' putting on their makeup as he said 'oh shit' and found his way back out of the LADIES ROOM!

 

Maybe life would be easier in my 40s if I had all 4 of them closer together and now they were ALL grown and independent and I wasn't still diapering and chasing a toddler. But I would have missed the best 20 minutes of my life and I would not trade that for anything!!

 

I love you dorks!!!

Just Say NO to Nickelodeon

Long time no blog... I am so wrapped up tweeting what I think when I think it these days that I only think in 140 character increments anymore! 

But this morning, it would take at least a dozen or more tweets to spill it so here I am.

One of my potty training strategies for my ever so stubborn 2 year old is to always point out how her besties Dora, Diego and Kai Lan are all potty trained big kids and on the rare occasion we do use our princess potty, it is a big ordeal for Kasey to hand me the phone to "call" Dora, Diego and Kai Lan to let them know she is a big kid, too and went potty just like them. 

So, imagine my dismay at Nick Jr. this morning when they advertise that it is SUPER BABIES week and the promo has Dora & Diego in diapers and capes flying through the air and the FIRST thing Kasey does is turn to me and say "look, they DO wear diapers" ! Thank you Nick Jr for sending us back to ground zero on potty training. She is never going to stop rubbing this one in my face when it is "potty time".  Now I must go find a missing toddler who I am sure is hiding in a corner shitting her diaper because that's how the Super Babies roll! 

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

First off, let me say my prayers and tears go out wholeheartedly to Chris Henry's Mother and Children. This is a horrible underserved tragedy. And I would like to add that I have ALWAYS been a fan of Chris, through the good, the bad and the ugly. He reminds me so much of my own brother and son. Both have had their fair share and then some entanglements with the wrong side of the law over stupid things. Bad choices, maybe, but neither are a bad person.  I don't believe Chris was a bad person either. Just young and foolish for a while but lately he had straightened out his life and was headed in the right direction.

Okay.. now enough of the niceties.. let's get to what this is really about. The lying  bitch we all now know as the "fiance'".  We all know from the first we heard of the "accident" that it was bad news and fishy.  Now this morning, ESPN actually gives this murdering bitch the satisfaction that anyone would entertain the notion that what she is suddenly stating is true in any way.

 

All I heard is the "Eyewitness" statement that Chris' final words were "if you drive away, I will jump off this truck and kill myself". Bitch, who in the HELL is going to believe this bullshit?? NOT me, for one.  Chris Henry might have lightened up his thuggish tendencies but there is no way in hell you can convince anyone that he turned into a sniveling, groveling pussy!!! NO WAY.  Can you say "CYA".  You know damn well that YOU are the cause of his death. I am quite sure your "eyewitness" is a family member who doesn't want to be stuck raising your 3 kids if the truth were to come out. I am sure you were fighting, I am sure he jumped on the back of the truck.. but I also sure he did NOT voluntarily jump off and commit suicide!! You stupid cunt! You drove irratically and I am sure purposely flipped him out. I hope there is a REAL eyewitness to this crime and you get what YOU deserve!

Ho's and Bitches, Bitches and Ho's and a Tiger

"I'm not a whore. I'm not a tramp. I'm not an escort. I'm not stupid or a bimbo," Uchitel insisted. "I'm very strong. I will survive this. At the same time, I'm vulnerable. I'm not here to make myself into a victim, but I want people to remember I'm human -- there's a whole other side to me. I'm caring and generous and the type of person you'd want to be friends with. People have to give me a chance."

Ok.. so a week ago, this dumb bitch swore up and down she talked to Tiger once or twice at her job and that's it. Then she hired a lawyer to sue everyone who accused her of being said whore. Well well well, boo hoo hoo, yada yada yada.... Now that all the other whores have come crawling out of the woodwork to get their fair claim to fame, suddenly she DID have an affair with Tiger but.... he LOVED her dontcha know? Clearly we all know because somehow, her PRIVATE EMAILS from Tiger have surfaced and all the gossip sites have a copy.. suddenly out of nowhere. Now HOW could this be?? She  doesn't want this publicity, yet she is making statements, posing for magazine covers and doing interviews about her affair with Tiger.

 

So here is the email and slut you can lay on under over or above him because you two assholes deserve each other. I hope your tips can support his broke toothless ass when Elin is through with him! I am going to get on Cafepress.com and create my team Elin tee now. Get it, "tee" like a shirt or Tiger's face when Elin whacked the shit out of him with his golf club...

 

Emails obtained by In Touch Weekly illustrate an ongoing relationship between Woods and Uchitel, including one from the athlete reading: ""I know it's brutal on you that you can't be with me all the time. I get it ... I finally found someone I connect with, someone I have never found like this. Not even at home. You want someone to witness your life. I want you to lay next to me, lay on me or where ever you want to lay ... Why didn't we find each other years ago. We wouldn't be having this conversation."